


a fleeting lifetime

by b0kuto



Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Death, Dramatic, Emotional, F/M, Gen, Historical, Sad Ending, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24356992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0kuto/pseuds/b0kuto
Summary: ーpt 6 of the series 「love, xx」- a letter pile❝ i embrace you tenderly. forgive me everything.❞— boris pasternak, in a letter to marina tsvetayeva, summer 1926═════════════════════╕if my dying wish had a voiceit will sound like a symphonyof all my prayers for you.╘═════════════════════
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Reader, Sawamura Daichi/You
Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753975
Kudos: 17





	a fleeting lifetime

“let me through!!!” you plowed your way through the swarming crowd of soldiers, casualties, family members, and lifeless bodies. “have you seen sergeant sawamura? he’s about six-foot-tall, with a scar cutting across his left cheek. please help me!” you grabbed onto every soldier in your sight, clinging onto that tiny sparkle of hope in you. 

and then you saw him. 

sugawara koushi was at the end of the crowd, his left sleeve dangling in the wind, empty. he crippled through the gate alone, no one by his side. 

“sugawara…-san?” your voice was so small that it came out sounding like a prayer. sugawara jerked to a halt, his head hanging low even though he had definitely heard you. the deadly cold claws of fear tightened its grip on your throat. you ran towards him, tripping over bodies and ruins, but you crawled to your feet, again and again, to keep running. 

“where’s daichi? he’s coming back soon right? why didn’t you wait for him? he’s just behind you right?” questions began pouring out of you as you clutched onto sugawara’s bloodied clothes. and you felt his quivering body. 

“12 days ago,” sugawara’s voice was raspy “we were caught in the enemy’s land mines…and he threw his body over mine…” his voice broke as the image of daichi’s last moment tormented him. “it was…too much bleeding we couldn’t stop it in time it’s all my fault if i did a proper scanning…” you watched sugawara’s mouth spurt out an apology after another, but you could not hear him. 

because all you could hear was the shrieking cries coming out of you. 

_ーone month ago, the mail boy delivered his_ **_last_ ** _letter to you._

❝ to my lovely wife,

how have you been? i saw an abandoned strawberry farm and thought of you. you must be saving up for the strawberry harvest this year right? the war will definitely jack up the price. if only i could be there to tease you for your obsessions with berries.

well, i’ve been doing alright! although koushi always complains about how i’m too heroic, and how i should be more selfish. he always sees me as such a good man, but you know how selfish i actually am, right? somedays i still question myself: was proposing to you the best choice? was planning to start a family with you amidst this war even logical? i don’t dare to give myself an answer. i don’t want to imagine having it otherwise. i don’t want to invalidate the joy of having you as my wife. 

to keep myself sane at night when my casualties wailed, i always thought of you. when i had you in my arms, i would wake up to your stubborn bed hair. of course, you would be there to spoil me with morning kisses, i don’t have that luxury here. i miss your shoyu ramen, and i wonder whether you have been eating properly by yourself. you should know that you are carrying a life inside you now, so don’t forget to be strong for us, and stay healthy. 

haha…i have rambled on quite a bit in this letter. why is that so…i guess maybe i can feel it coming. yeap, i’m sorry to say this but i need to prepare you. the war is crushing down on us right now, and i have received commands from above to save only the elites and fall back as soon as possible. they are planning to abandon the casualties and the lower-ranks. i can feel it coming, i can feel the end coming, and it doesn’t feel like i can have a happy ending this time. 

maybe that is why i am desperately writing down these words to send it out before the doom arrives before me. 

if heavens just pardon me one moment, to live in that moment just one more time, it will be that night under the sakura tree. you wore the dazzling glow of moonlight, the sides of your hairdo falling down to frame your face. the intoxicating scent of sakura made me drunk on you. your eyes ever so gentle, so forgiving, so nurturing. that was the moment when i know i want to protect you for the rest of my life. i want to carry your burdens, harbor your tired soul and ease any tensions in your shoulders. i want those loving eyes to watch over me for a lifetime. and when i kissed you that night, i still remember the raw urgency between my lips searching for your answer in your mouth. i still feel the heat on your cheeks between my fingers. it was the moment when i held love in my hands. 

but like the sakura that night, our story had a brilliant blossom, but it was tragically short-lived. i’m afraid, i may never hold you again. so i apologise, for selfishly wanting a child with you. i am sure the child will be as kind and graceful as you, i just hope he/she will not be as blunt and straight-forward as me. sugawara said i’m too upright, and it’s tiring for me to live in a world twisted by its ugliness. 

the dawn is approaching, so i should wrap up soon. regardless of what returns home to you, i want you to remember to live for yourself, build another family, allow yourself to find joy. don’t you dare to be guilty of feeling happy just because i may no longer be there. to see you smile matters the most to me. i am sorry i cannot be in your happy ending. i want to **embrace you tenderly** with these clumsy hands, these hands that always struggle to find ways to tell you i love you. can i just be selfish one last time and ask for one thing? please forgive me for leaving you so soon, **please forgive me for everything**. 

i will use my last prayers to pray that the brilliant, glorious sakura, like the ones we saw that night, will never just be a fleeting moment for you, but an eternity of love that protects you. 

love,

daichi. ❞

ー _a few months later_

“sugawara-san, you don’t have to spend an hour standing outside my door every time you come and visit.” you called out to the man who had been pacing up and down outside your ward. “ah, i’m sorry.” the nervous man pushed through the door, his right arm holding a bouquet of flowers. “how are you? and…the baby?” sugawara glanced towards your arms, his voice soft and gentle, afraid to startle the newborn sleeping in your arms. 

“i’m fine, just a little tired from all the screaming.” you sighed out a chuckle. looking down at your baby girl, your heart was finally feeling a purpose to beat. 

“sakura.” you stared out to the window, looking at the falling petals of those cherry blossoms. “her name is _sawamura sakura_.”


End file.
